It’s the day of the Open. This is it, guys… this is the beginning of a LONG 5 weeks of grueling workouts, “leaderboarding”, analyzing, strategizing, and just DOING and BEING. The Open snuck up so quickly that I literally feel like it was just last weekend that I was sitting in my living room with a couple friends watching the Games on my Mac. Time has truly flown. The Open has got me thinking about quite a few things…. the main one being, Why am I doing this?
Crossfit is my cure. At the ripe age of 15, I started to develop unhealthy eating habits. Cutting out parts of certain meals here and there turned into skipping meals entirely. As time went on, my habit of restriction and denying of food was accompanied by extremely negative thoughts of myself. I would punish myself for having not skipped a meal and I would beat myself up over going over the elusive “calorie limit” for the day. A year had passed and I wasn’t just someone who had disordered eating and thinking patterns; I had BECOME anorexia. Yes, I am a recovering anorexic.
Recovery is no walk in the park. In all honesty, most of recovery is pretty miserable. I can’t even begin to tell you how many days ended in tears and fits of rage. It’s actually hard to imagine the person I had become. I wasn’t even a person, really; I was a shell of myself. I went from a bubbly, confident, and assertive little woman to someone who had become a slave to her eating disorder. Fitness, at that point, was seen as just a way of purging: burning off every last calorie (and then some) of what I had eaten that day (if I had eaten at all).
Fast forward a few years (probably around when I was 19 or 20), and I was in college, pretty far into my recovery. By no means was I cured, and by no means was I even close to what I used to be. But, I was on my way, and that was what mattered. Anorexia isn’t like the flu; it doesn’t emerge for a little while and suddenly disappear. Every day, even today, and tomorrow, and the next day, will be difficult. Every day I have to make sure that I’m putting forth a 100% conscious effort to keep my mind right. Lifting weights and exercising started to become therapeutic for me around the age of 20, since it was no longer a maladaptive behavior. It calmed me. Not only did it calm me, I didn’t realize how much strength I had until I started throwing some weight around and saying to myself, “Holy shit!”. This surge of confidence and power would be the beginning of a whole new path of my recovery.
Now, 22 years old, just under a year of doing Crossfit, I can honestly say that I have never felt such happiness and accomplishment. Crossfit has filled a huge void in me that I truly believed would never be completely filled… by any means. The physical strength that Crossfit has given me is just icing on the cake; mentally, I have become stronger than I ever thought possible. Never in my life have I approached something with such passion, drive, and motivation. Crossfit is a part of who I am now. I consider Crossfit to be fused with other aspects of my personality; I am a Crossfitter, and I’m damn proud of it. So, to make a long story short… Why do I do this? Because I want to be a better person.
So, now that you’ve read my novel of a post, let’s get on with what I did today, shall we? 😛
Back Squat: 3 REPS @ 80% ON THE MINUTE FOR 5 MINUTES
Clean Pulls: 3 sets x 3 reps HEAVY!!!!!!!!!!!!
10 Minute AMRAP:
15 Calorie Row
10 Air Squats
20 Double Unders
Rest 3-5 minutes, then…
5 Hang Power Cleans (135/95)
10 Wall Balls (I used 18#)
20 Double Unders
That’s all I did for today. I’m trying not to go too crazy and overdo things, given that I’ll be pouring out my heart and soul on Saturday morning for Open workout 14.1. The workout is announced tonight, so even though tomorrow is an off day for me, I’ll be posting how I think the best way to approach the workout is and what my plan (or plans… hehe ) will be.
Smile. You have every reason to.